Just Different
by klh91
Summary: Aly Crow's daughter Aja follows the Princess Sarugani to Tortall, to be a permanent member of the Copper Isles' delegation to Tortall. There she finds friends who really know her, a love that is not betrothed to the next in line to the Tortallan throne, and security in the knowledge that some things are just different.


The two girls who stood staring at the open sea over the rail of the main deck of The Kyprioth could not have been more different in their physical appearances if the Gods had planned it. Both wore the stylish everyday winter wear of well off women in the Copper Isles, soft pale colored leather boots rather than the favored sandals with laces that wrapped up to mid calf, long sarongs made of thick materials colored in deep, warm colors tied over long hand stitched and decorated linen tunics with matching sashes to cinch them together at their respectively narrow waists, complete with a new addition packed for the harsher winter weather of their destination, cloaks of fine silk blended with fleece to protect their arms and shoulder from what even a triple layer of fine linen could not.

"We are not even to Tortall yet, Dyaja," the taller girl said in a whine. Her dark skin was complemented by her red sarong and show brightly against the stark white of her linen tunic which was stitched with intricate purple and royal blue flowers that would be strange to any Tortallian, but easily identifiable to the her fellow native to the Isles. Her head was protected by a deceptively thin mesh material to keep her dark curls from frizzing in the wind of the deck. "You said it shouldn't be too cold until we could stay safely ensconced in the castle and yet..." she trailed off with a pout at her companion as she wrapped her cloak tightly around herself.

Dyaja looked up with a smirk at her taller companion as she leaned closer to her, using a firmly placed arm around her waist to wrap her companion under her oversized cloak with her. For someone who was obviously what the people of the Copper Isles knew to be luarin, her skin was bronzed from a lifetime of island sun, her thick, straight blonde hair bleached from same effect of nearly all color. Her sarong was a deep golden brown, tunic a plain dark blue, with a sash that matched her violet irises perfectly.

"_Sarugani,_" she said, with emphasis on the taller girl's full name that she hardly used. "Compared to what the weather in Corus will be like when we get there this isn't cold." She grinned up at Sari, as she usually called her, wickedly. "

And compared to what the temperature next month will be this is warm."

Sari groaned. "Why did you guys vacation here? Ugh... especially at Midwinter." She cut Dyaja's response off with, "I know why, Aja." She shivered, "It's just so cold."

"We could go below deck-"

"It's hardly better down there," Sari interrupted, taking the side of Aja's cloak that was wrapped around her, freeing the smaller girls hand to slide underneath her sash, pulling apart her sarong and tunic until the hand that glowed with her sparkling white Gift met the bare dark skin of her hip with warmth.

Aja slid her hand across Sari's abdomen, warming the cold skin she found all the way as she stepped closer to conceal her actions.

"We could go below deck," Aja said again, her voice lowered with suggestion.

A small smile turned the corners of Sari's full lips as the pair disentangled themselves and made their way to the stairs.

_Aja was more than mortified. Her mother knew. She knew. She'd walked in on her in Sari in more than a compromising position. Naked and completely uncovered, while Aja had been... Well. While her mouth had been somewhere that it probably shouldn't have been._

_She'd been staring at the office door to the official spymaster of the Copper Isles for some time, convinced that no one had ever been this nervous staring at the solid wood entrance, ever. Queerness was not acceptable. Not anywhere. And Sari had at least been able to make the excuse before her that it was just the one person. That she didn't know where it had come from, and that the second she landed in Tortall to greet her betrothed, his Highness Prince Kalosin of Conte', it would stop. For Sari, women were a thing of her foolish youth. And Aly Crow would See the truth on her lips. _

_Aja Crow did not have that luxury. _

_She knocked lightly before pushing the door open. Her mother sat at her desk, one hand holding up her head, one hand holding a perfectly still quill. _

_"Mama," Aja said, her voice quivering slightly. She instantly launched into a perfectly planned series of not entirely untrue statements, "I-"_

_Her mother looked up, cutting Aja off with a raised hand. "You don't owe me excuses, Aja. Sit down."_

_Aja instantly noted the absence of her full first name. She had expected lots of cursing and 'Dyaja!'s. But Aly Crow seemed calm. Worried, but still calm, and still matching her cerulean gaze with Aja's violet one. _

_Aja had not thought that any person who found her out would be able to meet her in the eye ever again. _

_They sat like that for several very long moments. "How long?" Aly finally asked, still holding her daughter's gave firmly._

_Aja didn't notice the tears that started to fall down her cheeks. "Three or so, um... years," she said, her voice barely audible. Admitting this to her beloved Mama, she found, made her hands sweat, her dinner turn in her stomach._

_After another long silence Aja could no longer meet her mother in the eye. Her tears were no longer unnoticeable, as they began to cloud her vision. She lost all control as she tried to wipe her face, the first sob ripping through her throat before she could even notice it._

_Aly was up and around her desk in a moment. It was exactly as she had thought. Sari hadn't broken down like this. She knew what it meant that Aja was._

_"I'm... so... sorry," Aja said into the crook of Aly's neck, still sobbing from a deep unknown place in her mother's firm embrace._

_Aly dropped down to her knees putting her just below eye level with her daughter, and pulled her closer. _

_They stayed like that for a good long while, the only sounds being the occasional sob from Aja, and the accompanying soothing noise from Aly. _

_Aja pulled away, her emotions under control enough to lock into a tiny box in the back of her mind. Aly sat back on her knees, her hands still wrapped around her daughter's bare feet in affection as Aja got herself under control. _

_Finally, Aja looked up again at her mother. _

_Aly's eyes blazed with emotion. She leaned forward. "You are not the one who owe's an apology, Dyaja," she said in a quavering voice, finally using the full name Aja had been expecting all along. "I was angry, earlier. I know you saw that. And I have been blinding myself to the obvious for years, all while you could have used a mother to guide you." one tear finally fell down Aly's face. "_I _am sorry."_

_Aja could not stop the tremor in her hands, or the shivers that ran up and down her spine. She felt both feverish and freezing cold. Her entire self felt naked. She chanced a glance up at her mother for just a moment. "Mama, I'm never going to be with a boy," she whispered, barely audible and with a noticeable quake of fear in her tone._

_"I know," Aly replied quietly. "And it's not what I would choose for you. But I know you would not choose it for yourself either, had you the option."_

_She paused for a moment. "During the war, at the start really, before all of my spies were trained fully, I would get information not necessarily applicable to the revolution. And one of the spies I had placed in a potentially supportive luarin household told me that the daughter of the house was kissing her maid."_

_Aja looked up sharply. She had not ever heard of another person, another noble person especially, who was like her on the Isles ever. _

_"About two years after Aunt Dove was crowned... we were all so happy. Getting married and having children, all these people who had never been free suddenly liberated and still getting used to it. It was hard to imagine anyone who wasn't just deliriously happy. And I received word from that house again, not from my spies but through gossip, that the daughter of that house had taken her own life."_

_It was Aly's turn, now, to have a voice almost too thick with tears to speak. But she kept her daughter's gaze locked with her own. "The gossips said that the footman found them together and threatened to expose them both. So she killed herself." Aly's mouth trembled just a bit. "I don't want that to happen to you," she whispered fiercely._

_Aja knew that her mother couldn't know about the knife she'd taken from the kitchen when Aunt Chenoal wasn't looking. The one hidden in her room, for in case things got too bad. She couldn't know that she sometimes cut herself in places that wouldn't cause her to bleed to death just to remind herself that she was living, when her own mind took her to a place that was numb and inhuman. _

_Her mother would See the lie if she told it. So instead, she simply quietly replied, "Me either." _

They would land in Tortall's capitol in the morning. It was not something that either girl wanted to talk about. Their promise to Aja's mother sat between them like a giant Hurrock. For the sake of their sanity, they would go to Tortall together. Sari would be the epitome of good will and compromise to strengthen the new alliance between her new and old countries. Aja would stay on permanently after the greater part of the delegation had left, to be a friend and support system for Sari, and to study Wild Magic with Aunt Daine and Rik, and then eventually Sarra when she returned from her tour of the Realm with Uncle Numair.

_"When you get there it stops, Dyaja. You mend her your heartbreak for awhile but find someone safe to talk to about it. I hear things from my informants about Prince Liam. And Lady Knight Keladry of Masbolle, if she's around. She was raised in the Yamani Isles, where... well. Where things are different. You don't ever let yourself get so low as to need a _knife _in your room again, understand?" _

Sari's head laid against Aja's bare chest, both of them still breathing heavily as they came down from their respective orgasms. "Maybe.. if we were discreet-" Sari started.

Aja was shaking her head already. "You know that wouldn't work, Sari."

Sari agreed with her silence. After a moment she spoke again, "I'm going to miss you so much."

"I'll be right there," Aja said quietly. "It's just going to take some adjusting to. We'll always be best friends."

Sari smiled up at her, "Isn't that what we are now?"

"_And when you're ready... find someone who loves you. I believe Sari does, but... you deserve more then someone who was confused with a friend who she knew was attracted to her and was there. Be careful, and discreet. But allow yourself to be your honest self, with someone who is being _their _honest self. Man or women, I want more for you than what you have with Sari."_

Aja pulled Sari closer to her. "Of course." She thought of her Mama's words again, "But I want you to let yourself love the Prince. I've hear he's a good man."

"Me too," Sari said quietly. "I'm scared, Aj."

Aja dropped a kiss on the crown of Sari's head, "Me too. But it's going to be fine. A grand adventure."

Sari snorted with laughter. "Grand indeed."

Aja could feel the tears working up again. She did not exactly understand what her mother had meant, how she could have more with someone else. She had only ever had Sari. She could not understand a love that was greater. How she might follow someone else to the ends of the earth to keep them safe as she had for Sari.

Sari spoke again, tears working up in her voice as well. "I will always love you, Dyaja Crow. You know that, right?" she said, turning on her stomach to look Aja in the eyes. "I wish things were different."

It was her father's voice she heard this time.

_"My chickling, we turn ourselves into what the person we love needs us to be. The real work is finding out if we can love what we become."_

Aja had known for some time that Sari did not love the person that she had become. She did not love the necessary secretive nature of their relationship. Not that Aja did either. But Sari had been raised to expect a country to celebrate her love, and in Tortall where she was betrothed to the next in line for the monarchy, that was exactly what would happen.

They laid in silence until dawn, when they separated themselves and dressed together for the day for the last time.


End file.
